Becoming a mother is often described as a beautiful and joyful experience—and it absolutely can be. But there are also some intense emotions that many of us aren’t prepared for. We’re familiar with the term “baby blues” and might even know about postpartum depression. But one feeling that doesn’t get nearly as much attention is postpartum rage.

As a licensed professional counselor, and someone who specializes in OCD and anxiety, I’ve heard many women say they never expected the level of anger they felt after having their baby. They didn’t realize how common it actually is. 

I’ve worked with many moms who are struggling with this, and it’s so important to talk about because postpartum rage isn’t just anger—it’s usually a sign of deeper, underlying anxiety. If you’re reading this, you might be wondering if what you’re feeling is postpartum rage. You’re in the right place!

Let’s dive into what postpartum rage is, how it’s connected to anxiety, the symptoms to look out for, and most importantly, how you can manage it.

WHAT IS POSTPARTUM RAGE?

So, what exactly is postpartum rage? Simply put, it’s when a new mom experiences intense, uncontrollable anger after the birth of her baby. I’m not talking about the normal, everyday frustrations that come with sleep deprivation and dealing with a fussy newborn (although those are valid and very real challenges). Postpartum rage is something deeper. It’s when you feel like you’re on a hair-trigger—small things can send you into a fiery reaction that might seem out of proportion.

Maybe you find yourself snapping at your partner over something as small as the way they load the dishwasher, or feeling an intense urge to scream when your baby won’t stop crying. You might even feel angry at yourself for not being the “perfect” mom you thought you’d be. These feelings of anger can come on suddenly and feel out of control. You might feel guilty and confused afterward, thinking, “What just happened? Why did I get so angry?”

Postpartum rage is often overlooked because many of us expect motherhood to feel like a warm, fuzzy dream. The reality is, it’s messy, overwhelming, and sometimes downright exhausting. The anger that comes with postpartum rage can catch you off guard, making you wonder if something is wrong with you. 

Let me reassure you: you’re not alone, and there’s nothing “wrong” with you. It’s important to understand that this anger isn’t coming out of nowhere. Often, it’s your body and mind’s way of responding to postpartum anxiety.

HOW POSTPARTUM ANXIETY CONTRIBUTES TO RAGE

You might be wondering, “How does anxiety cause anger? I thought anxiety was all about worrying and fear.” That’s a great question, and it’s one I hear a lot. The truth is, anxiety can take many forms, and anger is one of them.

When you’re dealing with postpartum anxiety, your body is in a constant state of heightened alert. You’re worrying about your baby’s health, whether you’re doing things “right,” and all the new responsibilities that motherhood brings. This constant anxiety puts your nervous system into overdrive, and that can easily turn into anger. Think of it this way: when you’re already operating at full capacity, it doesn’t take much to push you over the edge.

For some moms, this looks like lashing out at their partner, other kids, or even themselves. The frustration that builds up from constantly worrying can explode in the form of postpartum rage. It’s not that you’re choosing to be angry—your brain is overloaded with anxiety, and anger becomes a way for your body to release all of that pent-up tension.

Personally, I’ve seen this happen with clients who say they feel like they’re in survival mode 24/7. When you’re dealing with sleepless nights, overwhelming thoughts, and unrealistic expectations of yourself, your body can shift from anxiety to rage because it doesn’t know how else to cope.

SIGNS & SYMPTOMS YOU MIGHT BE EXPERIENCING POSTPARTUM RAGE

It’s important to know the signs of postpartum rage so you can identify whether this is what you’re going through. While everyone’s experience is different, here are some common postpartum rage symptoms:

• Sudden, intense anger: You feel like you can go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds. 
• Physical symptoms of anger: You might notice your heart racing, your muscles tensing up, or even a feeling of heat rising in your body when you get angry. This physical response can feel overwhelming and difficult to control.
• Guilt or shame after an outburst: After the anger passes, you may feel ashamed or guilty for how you reacted. 
• Irritability throughout the day: You find yourself easily irritated by things that didn’t bother you before, like small messes, noise, or even just the presence of other people.
• Feeling out of control: It’s common to feel like you can’t stop yourself from getting angry, even if you know deep down it’s not helping the situation. You might feel like this anger is something happening to you, rather than something you’re choosing.

If you’re nodding along to any of these, you might be experiencing postpartum rage. It’s worth mentioning that postpartum rage doesn’t always mean you’re “angry” 24/7—it can come and go in waves, and you might not even recognize it as rage until you’re deep in it.

HOW TO MANAGE POSTPARTUM RAGE

The good news is, while postpartum rage can feel scary and isolating, there are ways to manage it. It’s possible to find relief and start feeling more like yourself again. Here are some strategies that I often recommend to my clients (and that I’ve seen work):

1. Acknowledge your feelings: The first step in managing postpartum rage is simply recognizing that it’s happening. It can be so easy to brush off your anger or blame yourself for it. But acknowledging that these feelings are real—and valid—is key to moving forward. Remind yourself that you’re not a bad mom for feeling this way.
2. Talk to someone you trust: Whether it’s a partner, friend, or therapist. Having someone to talk to about your feelings can be incredibly helpful. Sometimes just saying the words out loud (“I’ve been feeling so angry and I don’t know why”) can take away some of their power. I also share a ton of resources on my podcast that could offer more support.
3. Practice self-care: I know this phrase is everywhere, but it’s so important. Self-care doesn’t have to be bubble baths and candles (though if that works for you, go for it!). It can be as simple as taking five minutes to breathe deeply, getting outside for a walk, or asking for help when you need a break. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential for managing stress and keeping your mental health in check.
4. Develop coping strategies: I know it’s easier said than done, especially when you’re caught in the moment. But if you feel that anger starting to build, having a plan in place can make a huge difference. With the right tools, you can catch it before it boils over and take steps to manage it more effectively. Try grounding techniques like deep breathing, counting to 10, or stepping away from the situation to cool down.
5. Reach out for support: If you’re feeling overwhelmed by postpartum rage, know that you don’t have to go through it alone. I’d love to help, and I have a lot of resources that can guide you through it.

FINAL THOUGHTS

If you’re experiencing postpartum rage, I want you to know that it’s okay. Motherhood is hard, and feeling anger doesn’t make you any less of a good mom. In fact, recognizing these feelings and taking steps to manage them is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your baby.

As someone who specializes in OCD and anxiety, I can tell you firsthand that you’re not alone in this experience. There are resources available to help guide you through this challenging time. Whether it’s listening to my podcast All The Hard Things, or joining my OCD and Anxiety Recovery Blueprint for a more structured, in-depth approach. I’m here to support you every step of the way. Take care of yourself—you’re doing an amazing job, even if it doesn’t always feel like it!