If you’ve ever found yourself lying awake at night, running through an endless to-do list in your mind, you’re not alone. As moms, we’re expected to keep track of so many things—from dentist appointments to knowing when the baby is outgrowing her clothes. Even if you have a super supportive partner, it often feels like most of this “mental load” lands squarely on our shoulders. I get it—I’ve been there, and I’ve seen so many moms in my anxiety and OCD work struggle with the same thing. That invisible work we do every day? It’s exhausting. And when you mix in anxiety, it can become downright overwhelming.

Today, I want to talk about this mental load—what it is, how anxiety makes it even heavier, and what you can do to start lightening the load. I’m here to tell you, it’s possible to take a deep breath and find some relief.

WHAT IS THE MENTAL LOAD OF MOTHERHOOD?

When we talk about the mental load of motherhood, we’re referring to that invisible, behind-the-scenes work that never seems to end. Sure, not every household is the same, and some partners are great at sharing the load. But research shows that, in many cases, these duties still largely fall on moms.

So, what exactly is this mental load? It’s the constant juggling of tasks and responsibilities. Managing everyone’s schedules, remembering doctor’s appointments, tracking kids’ extracurricular activities, figuring out meals for the week, and keeping tabs on when the toilet paper is about to run out (because we all know that’s a crisis waiting to happen).

It’s the emotional labor of knowing which kid is struggling at school, or noticing your partner has been stressed, and trying to plan ways to support them. It’s not just doing these tasks—it’s thinking about them constantly that wears us down. And even though much of this work is unseen, it’s absolutely draining. In fact, the mental load can feel even heavier because it’s not always acknowledged or appreciated, making it feel like a never-ending job with no breaks.

HOW ANXIETY AMPLIFIES THE MENTAL LOAD

Now, if you throw anxiety into the mix, the mental load doesn’t just feel heavy—it feels unbearable. Anxiety has this sneaky way of magnifying everything. What might be a minor task or worry can suddenly feel huge and consume all your mental energy.

As a LPC, and fellow anxiety warrior, I’ve seen how anxiety amplifies this load. You might find yourself obsessing over small details, feeling like everything has to be perfect, or fearing that you’ll drop the ball if you don’t constantly stay on top of things. You’re constantly managing more than feels possible, and no matter how hard you try, the responsibilities just keep growing, making it feel impossible to catch a break.

Anxiety also loves to make us doubt ourselves. You might start second-guessing decisions or feel like you’re failing as a mom, even when you’re doing an amazing job. The mental load turns into a loop of “what-ifs” and worst-case scenarios (more on that here!), and suddenly, even the smallest tasks feel overwhelming.

And let’s be real—our mental load doesn’t exist in a vacuum. We’re balancing it alongside sleep deprivation, managing kids’ emotions, and maybe even holding down a job. It’s no wonder so many moms feel like they’re constantly running on empty.

SIGNS YOU’RE CARRYING TOO MUCH MENTAL LOAD

So how do you know when the mental load is just too much? There are some clear signs you’re reaching your limit:

• Constantly Feeling Overwhelmed: If you’re always thinking about the next task, and it feels like your brain can’t shut off, this is a major red flag.
• Irritability or Short Temper: If you’re snapping at your kids or partner more than usual, it might be a sign that your mental load is pushing you over the edge. This could also be a sign of postpartum anger, you can read more on that here. 
• Trouble Sleeping: Lying awake at night, replaying the day, and worrying about what’s left to do tomorrow? That’s a classic sign the mental load is getting out of control.
• Physical Symptoms: Anxiety often shows up in our bodies. Headaches, tension in your shoulders, or feeling physically exhausted are signs that your brain and body are overloaded.
• Losing Track of Things: When you’re juggling too much, it’s easy to start forgetting things, even though you’re spending all your mental energy trying not to forget. It’s a cruel paradox.
• No Time for Yourself: If you can’t remember the last time you did something just for you (and I’m NOT talking about a quick shower or eating a meal in peace), it’s a sign that the mental load is taking over.

Does any of this sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone, and more importantly, you don’t have to keep carrying it all on your own. There are ways to manage both the mental load and anxiety so you can breathe a little easier.

TIPS FOR REDUCING THE MENTAL LOAD AND MANAGING ANXIETY

Delegate, Delegate, Delegate

I know—sometimes it feels like it’s easier to just do it yourself. But trust me, you don’t have to be the only one carrying the load. If you have a partner, talk about ways to share the mental responsibilities. Make a list of tasks and divide them up so you’re not the default “keeper of all things.” If your kids are old enough, get them involved in small ways, too! This doesn’t mean giving up control, but spreading the load so it’s not all on your shoulders.

Set Boundaries Around “Mental Work”

You don’t need to be thinking about the grocery list while trying to unwind or spend time with your family. Setting clear boundaries around when you’re “off-duty” can be huge. I recommend designating a time of day for handling those mental tasks—say, an hour in the morning or after the kids go to bed—and sticking to it. Outside of those times, allow yourself to be present without the constant mental chatter.

Write It Down

The mental load of motherhood often feels overwhelming because it’s all stuck in your head, spinning around and around. One of my favorite anxiety management techniques is writing things down. Get yourself a notebook or use an app and start brain-dumping all the things you’re trying to remember. This way, it’s out of your brain and on paper, where you can organize and manage it without the constant mental drain.

Prioritize Self-Care

I can already hear you saying, “But I don’t have time!” And trust me, I’ve been there, too. But self-care isn’t just a luxury—it’s essential when you’re carrying a heavy mental load. Even if it’s five minutes of deep breathing, a short walk, or listening to your favorite podcast (might I suggest my own, All the Hard Things?). Carve out time for you, even in small doses, and you’ll notice a big difference in your ability to manage the load.

Practice Imperfection

As moms, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking we need to do everything perfectly. But here’s the thing: Perfection doesn’t exist, and striving for it only adds to the mental load. Remind yourself that “good enough” is more than enough. The laundry doesn’t have to be folded the same day it’s washed, and it’s okay if the kids eat mac and cheese for dinner two nights in a row. Let go of some of that pressure, and you’ll feel the weight start to lift.

Get Support for Anxiety

If anxiety is amplifying your mental load, it’s important to address that, too. Inference Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (ICBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) are amazing tools to help you manage anxiety. I also have some resources like The OCD and Anxiety Recovery Blueprint and my Stop the Spiral masterclass to help you start working through your anxiety today. You deserve to feel lighter, and these tools can help you get there!

THE MENTAL LOAD OF MOTHERHOOD: YOU’RE NOT ALONE IN THIS

The mental load of motherhood is real, and when anxiety adds to it, it can feel debilitating. But you don’t have to carry it all by yourself. Whether it’s delegating tasks, setting boundaries, or working on managing anxiety, there are steps you can take to lighten the load!

And remember, I’m right there with you. I’ve seen it all, I’ve been through it, and I’m here to support you every step of the way. Reach out to me today, and follow me on Instagram, you’ve got this!