We all have those days. The ones where everything feels off, your patience is gone, your anxiety is high, and even the smallest tasks feel heavy. Maybe you’re exhausted, maybe your thoughts are spiraling, or maybe you’re just done.

But instead of offering ourselves understanding, most of us pile on guilt. We think we should be doing better. We beat ourselves up for being overwhelmed. And we push through with a heavy heart instead of giving ourselves what we actually need—grace.

As a therapist and someone who’s lived through the hard days too (yep, been there more times than I can count), I want to talk about what it really means to give yourself grace—and how to actually do it without letting guilt take over.

What It Means to Give Yourself Grace

Giving yourself grace means letting go of perfection. It means meeting yourself with compassion instead of criticism. It’s choosing kindness over shame, especially when you’re struggling.

Grace doesn’t mean giving up. When you give yourself grace, it means giving yourself permission to be human. To rest. To have needs. To slow down without punishing yourself for it.

And most of all, it means allowing yourself to show up imperfectly—because healing, parenting, and just being human is messy sometimes (actually, most of the time).

Why We Struggle to Be Kind to Ourselves

Here’s the thing: many of us were taught that our worth is tied to how much we do. We equate productivity with value, and we assume that being hard on ourselves will somehow motivate us to do better.

But in reality? That inner critic only makes things worse. It feeds anxiety. It fuels OCD. It creates a cycle where even on our hardest days, we feel like we’re not doing enough.

This is especially true for people dealing with anxiety or OCD. (I see it all the time with my clients—and I’ve lived it too.) We often think we have to overcompensate, overanalyze, or fix how we feel. But what we really need is a softer approach. One that doesn’t shame us for having limits. One that reminds us it’s okay to give yourself grace, even in the messiest moments.

How to Shift Your Mindset on Hard Days

The first step in learning to give yourself grace is catching those automatic thoughts that tell you you’re failing. Because most of the time, they’re just not true.

Instead of:

• “I didn’t get anything done today.”
  Try: “I did what I could with the energy I had. That’s enough.”

Instead of:

• “I’m a mess today.”
  Try: “Today is hard, and I’m allowed to struggle.”

(That simple shift matters. It’s not about pretending things are fine—it’s about responding to yourself the way you would to someone you love.)

It also helps to remember: struggling doesn’t cancel out your progress. One hard day doesn’t erase everything you’ve done. You’re still growing, even on the days that feel heavy.

Every time you shift your mindset with compassion instead of criticism, you choose to give yourself grace—and that choice adds up over time.

Practical Strategies for Moving Through a Hard Day

Let’s talk about what this looks like in real life—because “be kind to yourself” is great advice, but most people don’t know where to start.

Here are a few small but meaningful ways to practice self-compassion and truly give yourself grace when you need it most:

• Pause and check in. Ask yourself, What do I need right now? Not what do others need. Not what’s on the to-do list. What you need.
• Lower the bar—on purpose. Give yourself permission to do less. Let good enough be good enough for today.
• Use grounding tools. Whether it’s journaling, movement, or pulling an affirmation card—do something small that brings you back to the present.
• Remind yourself this is temporary. Hard moments come and go. They don’t define you.
• Speak to yourself like you would to your child or best friend. You wouldn’t shame them for having a rough day—so why do it to yourself?

And if you’re navigating intrusive doubts that feel hard to shake, you’re not alone. I wrote about how to break free from those loops and start trusting yourself again—even when your mind is stuck in overdrive. Read more here.

How to End a Hard Day with Self-Compassion

Maybe nothing went how you planned. Maybe your anxiety was loud. Maybe you snapped, spiraled, or cried in the bathroom. That doesn’t make you weak—it makes you real.

At the end of those days, try this simple reflection:

• What did I do today that mattered, even a little?
• What did I need that I can give myself tomorrow?
• How can I be a little softer with myself right now?

Even just naming your effort—even if it didn’t feel like “enough”—helps reframe the story you’re telling yourself. It’s one way you start to truly give yourself grace, not just as a concept, but as a practice.

And if you’re struggling to make space for that kind of care, this reminder might help: Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s survival. I wrote more about that here—especially for those of us navigating anxiety recovery.

Want Daily Support That Actually Hits Different?

When your brain won’t stop spinning with “what-if”s and fear, sometimes all it takes is a single phrase to ground you again. That’s why I created the Break Free Action Cards—a pocket-sized set of powerful affirmations to help you reset, refocus, and rise up when anxiety hits hardest.

Each card is designed to pull you out of the loop and bring you back to the present—because your recovery deserves more than quick fixes. You deserve tools that actually help you build resilience and take meaningful action.

What’s inside:

• 35 bold, encouraging affirmations to remind you of your strength
• A branded wooden block stand to keep your cards visible where you need them most
• Practical, real-talk support that meets you right where you are—whether you’re mid-panic or just trying to get through your day

Because this isn’t about feeling good for a minute. It’s about showing up for yourself again and again—even when your brain tells you you can’t.

And having visual reminders like these can be one of the simplest ways to give yourself grace—especially when words feel hard to find on your own.

Grab your Break Free Action Cards here and keep those reminders where they count.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve Grace, Too

You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t have to do everything right to be worthy of compassion. You’re allowed to struggle and still be a good parent, a strong person, and someone worth rooting for.

So on the days when everything feels heavy—when anxiety creeps in or motivation disappears—I hope you choose grace over guilt. I hope you speak to yourself with softness instead of shame.

And I hope you remember this: healing isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up, one messy, real, human day at a time. When you give yourself grace, you’re not letting yourself off the hook—you’re giving yourself a fighting chance to keep going.For more support like this, tune in to my podcast, All The Hard Things, where I dive deeper into OCD, anxiety, and recovery strategies that actually help. You can also follow me on Instagram for daily tips and real-life encouragement—I’d love to see you there.