Let’s be real—dealing with anxiety and OCD can feel like a full-time job. And while it’s amazing to have supportive family and friends, sometimes their well-meaning attempts to help can actually make things harder. Maybe they unknowingly enable your compulsions or offer reassurance when what you really need is space to work through your anxiety. That’s where boundaries come in.

Setting boundaries with the people you love isn’t easy, especially when you’re dealing with anxiety or OCD. But boundaries are a huge part of protecting your progress and making sure you’re giving yourself the room to grow and heal. So today, we’re diving into why boundaries are essential, some common challenges that come with setting them, and how you can create healthy limits with the people in your life.

WHY BOUNDARIES ARE IMPORTANT IN ANXIETY AND OCD MANAGEMENT

When you’re working on managing anxiety and OCD, boundaries aren’t just a nice-to-have—they’re a must. Boundaries protect the progress you’re making in therapy or through your own self-care practices. They give you the space to try new coping strategies and push back against compulsions. Without them, it’s easy to slip into old patterns, even if it’s unintentional.

A lot of the time, family and friends don’t realize they’re enabling your anxiety or OCD. Maybe they give you the reassurance you crave (“Are you sure I locked the door?”) or they accommodate compulsions because they think it will help you feel better. But here’s the thing: While it might feel good in the moment, those behaviors keep you stuck in the cycle of anxiety. Boundaries help you stay on track with the healthy coping mechanisms you’re trying to build.

COMMON CHALLENGES WHEN SETTING BOUNDARIES

Of course, knowing you need boundaries and actually setting them are two very different things. It can be tough to draw the line, especially with loved ones who are just trying to help. Maybe you worry about hurting their feelings, or you’re scared they’ll feel rejected. And let’s not forget the guilt—it’s so easy to feel like you’re being unfair or selfish for asking people to respect your boundaries.

But here’s a gentle reminder: boundaries are not about pushing people away; they’re about creating space for your healing. You’re not doing anyone any favors by burning yourself out or letting anxiety run the show. When you set healthy limits, you’re protecting your mental health and your relationships in the long run.

PRACTICAL STEPS FOR SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

So, how do you actually set boundaries with family and friends when it feels so complicated? Let’s break it down into some practical steps:

1. IDENTIFY YOUR NEEDS

Before you can set a boundary, you need to be clear about what you need. Do you need your partner to stop offering reassurance? Do you need more space from family members who tend to overstep when they see you struggling? Take a moment to reflect on what feels helpful and what’s hindering your progress.

2. COMMUNICATE CLEARLY AND CALMLY

When it’s time to have the boundary-setting conversation, be as clear and calm as possible. Anxiety might make you feel defensive or emotional, but remember: boundaries are about protecting your peace, not attacking the other person. Calm communication can help get your message across without creating unnecessary conflict.

3. USE “I” STATEMENTS

One of the best ways to keep things non-confrontational is by using “I” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You always make me more anxious when you check up on me,” you could say, “I feel more anxious when I’m constantly asked how I’m feeling. It would help me if I had a little more space to work through things on my own.” This approach makes it less about what the other person is doing wrong and more about what you need.

SCRIPTS FOR COMMON BOUNDARY-SETTING SCENARIOS

Not sure where to start? Here are a few example scripts you can use to set boundaries in a kind, clear way:

• When loved ones offer too much reassurance: “I know you’re trying to help, but when you reassure me over and over, it makes it harder for me to manage my anxiety. It would help me more if you remind me to use the strategies I’m working on.”
• When people want to discuss your mental health all the time: “I really appreciate that you care about me, but talking about my anxiety constantly makes me feel more overwhelmed. Can we plan to check in about it once a week instead?”
• When someone crosses a boundary: “I know you were trying to help, but when you said [X], it made me feel [Y]. Moving forward, it would be really helpful if we could [Z].”

DEALING WITH PUSHBACK AND GUILT

Here’s the hard truth: Not everyone is going to accept your boundaries right away, and that’s okay. You might get some pushback. People might try to convince you that they’re just trying to help or that you’re being too sensitive. Stand your ground. Boundaries are about your mental health, not their comfort.

It’s also completely normal to feel guilty, especially if you’re used to putting others’ needs ahead of your own. But remind yourself that setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you need to protect your mental health in order to show up for the people you love in the long run.

MAINTAINING BOUNDARIES OVER TIME

Let me be clear: setting boundaries is one thing; maintaining them is another. Over time, people might slip back into old habits, and you may need to remind them of your boundaries. It’s okay to be consistent and reinforce your limits. In fact, it’s essential. The more you practice maintaining your boundaries, the easier it gets.

One helpful tip: Check in with yourself regularly. Are your boundaries still serving you, or do you need to make adjustments? Your needs might change as you continue working on your anxiety and OCD, and that’s okay. Boundaries are flexible, and they should evolve with your recovery.

HOW SETTING BOUNDARIES SUPPORTS LONG-TERM RECOVERY

At the end of the day, boundaries aren’t just about managing your relationships—they’re about managing your mental health. When you set clear limits with the people around you, you create a safe space to heal, grow, and work through your anxiety or OCD. You also protect the progress you’ve made in therapy or through self-care, which helps support long-term recovery.

Boundaries help you break free from the enabling behaviors that keep you stuck in cycles of anxiety or compulsions. They give you the space to practice new coping strategies and push yourself out of your comfort zone, which is so important when you’re working on managing anxiety and OCD.

MOVING FORWARD WITH PURPOSE

Setting boundaries isn’t always easy, but it’s one of the most powerful things you can do for your mental health. By clearly communicating your needs and holding firm when people push back, you’re taking control of your recovery and prioritizing your well-being. And trust me, the more you practice, the more confident you’ll become.And if you ever feel the need for extra support, remember you’re not alone. Whether it’s tuning into my podcast All The Hard Things or joining the OCD and Anxiety Recovery Blueprint, there are resources ready to guide you on your path to recovery. Remember, you’ve got this! You deserve to feel safe, supported, and empowered on your journey to recovery. Stay strong, keep practicing those boundaries. You’ve got this!